


what plot

by a5xa7 (CastelloFlare)



Series: the runner's romance [8]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:58:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastelloFlare/pseuds/a5xa7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One sunny afternoon, a threatening note made by someone with so much free time was slipped through the gap under the door of a cubicle in a public restroom where Newt was taking a quick shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what plot

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic in 2016 yayyy

One sunny afternoon, a threatening note made by someone with so much free time was slipped through the gap under the door of a cubicle in a public restroom where Newt was taking a quick shit.

Following the overused cliche of composing a letter with the use of magazine cutouts, the sender, whose evil was seeping through the folds of the mildly crumpled paper, sparked Newt's annoyance with the poorly cut headline letters -- how could you mess up cutting _'L'_ or _'I'_ \-- as well as the even more poorly doodled cartoon of a penis with strands of baby hair poking out of the foreskin. He reckoned art is art, but this doodle was an abomination, and it was even carefully colored in purple marker. If the sender had a marker, why go through the trouble of cutting up magazines? Did they want to boast about having too much free time that badly?

 _If you don't want_ this _to happen to your piss-for-brains boyfriend, come to that uninhabited place with a single tumbleweed carried around by the wind. There we shall fight with our bear hands because this story has no clear motive or plot whatsoever, and it's not even a porn._ was what the threatening note said. That was a lot of letter cutouts.

What did the penis with the sort of hairy foreskin mean for Newt and his boyfriend Minho? Was that a metaphor for something so profound his currently-focused-on-shitting brain couldn't care to interpret? How did the sender know where to slip the note when there were four other guys in the remaining three stalls?

Annoyed as he was, Newt was also grateful for the note, as he just noticed that the tissue holder beside him was empty.

 

 

An hour and a stop at the local tourist shop for a sombrero later, Newt finally arrived in that uninhabited place with a single tumbleweed carried around by the wind. As established that this wasn't a porn, the group of people -- Gally and his goons -- who now stood before Newt all wore considerably conservative clothes, all donned with tinted glasses and sunblock lotion on their noses, including the captive Minho, who sat behaved on a wooden chair instead of being tied to it.

"Tut tut, I'll answer you before you ask me the most obvious question. These glasses are Gucci," said Gally, the one with the constant bitch face. "And we didn't tie your boyfriend up because we're not hinting at any bondage."

"Hey hun," Minho blew a kiss over to Newt. Gally immediately farted to thwart its course towards the west.

"Now you've really crossed the bloody line," Newt gritted his teeth. He threw a pair of gloves towards Gally, which he caught with uncharacteristic grace.

"I'll pay you for these bear-hands gloves later," Gally smirked as he put them on.

"I'm afraid you will fail miserably in doing so," Newt said, donning his on. "I threw the receipt."

"No you didn't--!" Gally gasped, but the truth in Newt's eyes was as clear as as a baby's buttcrack, as well as the fact that the author sucks with similes.

"You shall be punished for your mediocre doodle of a penis with a sorta hairy foreskin," Newt assumed a fighting position, his bear hands gesturing for Gally to come at him. "And for not using a purple marker to its full potential."

"That's because that shuckface Ben forgot he had his coloring set until the last minute," Gally readied his fists and raised them in the air. "And _that_ was a very clear drawing of Minho's shaved head -- the one on his shoulders -- which I will personally do with the tweezers I use on my majestic arched eyebrows, in the likely event of your downfall by my bear hands."

Realization filled Newt's eyes like piss fills a hole in the ground. "That was...? So the wrinkles on the penile head were actually eyes...?"

"If he does shave my head," Minho said dramatically, "I can't have sex with you in face-to-face positions anymore, Newt."

"But... why? We could experiment with wigs--"

"If we face each other, won't it look like you're fucking with a bigger penis that has a penis junior and sexy muscular legs? Look at the drawing, Newt, if it's the accurate prediction of my future, I'll look like an overgrown potato with wrinkly foreskin!" Minho clenched a fist and shook his head as manly tears escaped his eyes.

"Minho, why did this happen," Newt also clenched a bear hand and sweated profusely through his eyes. "I can't forgive Gally for traumatizing you with his crap that passes for art these days. I shall grow more muscles without the use of steroids to beat this guy!"

And so Newt, after completing a magical girl transformation sequence, transformed. He now had shoulder-length hair and muscles with some veins popping out. Long story short, he just became the Steve Rogers of the Glade in this single poorly written paragraph.

"What the! This ain't you no more, how dare you cheat you smarter and more handsome version of Johnny Bravo!" Gally said, taking his tinted glasses off in an unnecessary theatrical manner.

"Nobody cheated you wanker -- read the bloody TMR book!" Newt said, more strength pulsing through his muscular hunk bod. "Now let us fight, angry kid whose anger is actually built on rational and legit reasons and amplified with sexual tension for Thomas."

Gally's mouth fell open, but he closed it immediately after an atomic particle of tumbleweed threatened to implant itself in his gums. "... How you understand me! I can no longer fight you."

"Good, that," Newt agreed. "And how about this Asian beefcake who is the epitome of sass that is Minho?"

"I won't risk my tweezers on his unshampooed hair. He's all yours."

And with that, Gally and his goons held hands and skipped away merrily towards the sunset. Min's awesome hair remained un-shaved, and his sex life with Newt remained uncompromised and juicy and the reader could now read actual Minewt porn somewhere.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for clicking this pc of crap and reading til the end. Also, much love for leaving kudos/comments ♥


End file.
